Best Buy Tales: ORLY?

Haven't done these in a while

Me: Do you have a reward zone card?
Customer: My wife does, I think
Me: Phone number it's under?
Customer: *rattles off the number*
Me: Lisa?
Customer: Lisa??
Me: ...is that your wife?
Customer: *laughing* Oh man, I rattled off my girlfriend's number. Need to remember not to do that in front of the wife. You know what, put it under Lisa's number. She deserves the points more
Me: Ok...

Customer: I can't believe he lied like that! (referring to John from computers, who didn't lie, this lady is just old and crazy and sloooow)
Me: I don't think he intentionally lied to you, ma'am
Customer: Did you see the way he just handled me up here? Constantly asking a question to me, never making a statement!
Me: There was just a misunderstanding and he wanted to make sure you understood everything so we didn't have another one
Customer: LOOK AT ME
Me: Uh *looks at the customer*
Customer: Do you see how old I am!?
Me: ...? Yes?
Customer: I know liars, Jessica! I KNOW LIARS! I was married for 50 years!!! I KNOW THEM
Me: Ok, ma'am
Customer: He'll never get a wife

Me: Do you have a reward zone card?
Customer: Oooh, I forgot it
Me: Phone number it's under?
Customer: Uh, I have a lot
Me: I can try a bunch, I don't mind
Customer: *says phone number*
Me: Hmm..maybe another one?
Customer: ...I don't have a card
Me: ...
Customer: I thought if I said I forgot it, you wouldn't offer it to me. Then I kept thinking up ways to avoid you looking it up, but I guess I cost myself more time than if I just said I didn't have one in the first place
Me: Yeah, pretty much

Me: Do you have a reward zone card?
Customer: You know what, I think I do
Me: Do you know the phone number it might be under?
Customer: *says phone number*
Me: James?
Customer: That's me
Me: K, got it! Your total i-
Customer: Can that be looked up?
Me: Sorry?
Customer: Does that make it so it can be found on a computer?
Me: Like your computer if you go online, or in our system?
Customer: That means yes. Take it off
Me: It just adds points...
Customer: Take it off!!!
Me: Ok...*voids the card off the transaction*
Customer: *pays with credit card* (which automatically tracks purchases, way to go...)

Customer: Can I split my bill with cash and credit?
Me: Yep!
Customer: Ok, I want $.83 on my credit card and the rest in cash

Me: How much would you like on your gift card?
Customer: $33
Me: ...I'm sorry, what did you say?
Customer: Thirty.three.dollars.

And the best ever:

I had a customer early in the morning who needed me to return his laptop and rering it so he qualified for a free upgrade to Windows 7 when it releases. I return it to a gift card and rering it paying that way so it doesn't screw up his credit card if he paid that way

He returns later in the day to return his laptop completely because Dell informed us a bunch of their models are not upgradable

Me: Ok, I'm just going to get my manager to post-void the gift card return and *checks original receipt* Because you paid cash, it's going to have to be a mail check. Anything over $250 has to be a check. It takes up to 10 days
Customer: No
Me: Uh...
Customer: I paid cash, I get cash back
Me: I can't give you cash back, sir. It's in our return policy *shows him on the receipt*
Customer: I don't fucking care, I'm getting my cash back!!
Me: *getting annoyed* No you're not. When you purchase something here, you're agreeing to our terms and it clearly states all over the store and ON your receipt that I cannot give you it back in cash
Customer: I DIDN'T FUCKING SIGN ANYTHING
Me: You don't need to sign anything. The second that transaction is complete, you've agreed to our return conditions
Customer: You're giving me my cash NOW
Me: No I'm not. You can take a gift card or the mail check
Customer: If you go into a store and pay cash, you get CASH back when you return it
Me: Up to a certain amount
Customer: NO NO NO *laughs at me* NO
Me: If you read your receipts, you'd know that
Customer: Get a manager
Me: He's on his way, but I'm telling you right now, you're not getting cash back
Customer: *laughs at me again* I am getting it

Joe comes, explains to the customer there is no override or anything available and he can take the mail check or a gift card. The customer is screaming and cursing, saying he's never shopping here again. Fuck us, this is ridiculous. He then tells Joe to give him $250 back, and Joe explains it doesn't work that way. The customer is in my face yelling, and looks ready to hit Joe. He walks away before deciding

Customer: *comes back* Can you return it to a gift card? I found a laptop I like
Me: Uh sure...
Customer: Wait, I want to just double check
Me: I can keep it back here if you want to check, and maybe go outside and take a breather?
Customer: Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm just upset. I don't know. I'll be back

The customer comes back, takes his return on gift card, buys a new, more expensive laptop and jokes with me the entire transaction and leaves smiling

ORLY?

~*Jess*~